Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize