Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
