I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
