I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
