Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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