Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
