I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
