My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i believe in u and ur pee
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