I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize