**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
