I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize