a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
