i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
