"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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