I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
