we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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