i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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