If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
