True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize