There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My ass is underappreciated
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
