I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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