I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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