I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
