i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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