You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
