when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
