may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
