those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
