i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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