Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
