Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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