Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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