I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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