If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's official drugs can't kill me
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
