So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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