He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
