it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
