Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
