do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
