she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize