I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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