I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
