What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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