Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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