Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
