i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize