I think I just saw someone hide a body.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
