do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
