"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
