I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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