She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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