i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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