I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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