I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
