he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
