i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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