Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
