I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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