I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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