So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
