Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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