He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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