I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I could fuck to npr.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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