We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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