Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
