..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
