somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
