I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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