Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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