uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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