Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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