So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
