I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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