So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
