Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
should my penis look like a turkey
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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