Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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