My friends, they love my intelligence
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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