fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
