Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
