he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
