Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
