She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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