I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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