If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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