he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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