1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I didn't notice because vodka
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
